i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
How naked do you want me to be?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
