I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
