Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
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I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize