if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
