I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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