before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
