and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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