it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
