i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
