I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
