she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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