It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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