the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
