how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
