The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
