I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
