By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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