Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
