I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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