can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
