Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
