I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
