we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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