I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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