just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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