remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
