why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
