No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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