I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
