I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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