alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
