hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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