I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
