if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
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BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
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I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
we should paint friendship bongs
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