kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
