I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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