I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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