Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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