my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
