I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
