after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
