imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
