I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
