i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
