I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
