so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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