Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
