I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Where is the hickey?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
