I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.