he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
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He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
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Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.