I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
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i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
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my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire