stop calling my apartment porn island.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos