Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
