And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
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I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
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the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night