to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
