it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
