You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
