porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
