Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
