everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
