Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We have started to decorate penises.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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