Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
