Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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