I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
