Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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