What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
