i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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