The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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