somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
