I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
These tits shall not be calmed
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
