I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
should my penis look like a turkey
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
