your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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