SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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