I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
